when you're dreaming with a broken heart
the waking up is the hardest part

5 years, of which probably 4 half were spent like this. enough is enough. really. i'm quite the opposite, i just keep sleeping. hoping that one day i'd wake up and it'd be all a dream

i keep looking around me nowadays. how familiar things look, and yet how foreign. transient is the word. how everyday no matter what happens, no matter how much you hurt everything still goes on the same way it does. no matter how sad we are to part, we still have to part. and life still goes on. that's why i'm no longer sad to say goodbye. i don't like it. but i don't fear it anymore. its all part of this continuous circle of hello and goodbye. a goodbye to angela = a hello to mel. a goodbye to ming = a hello to kaylene. irony. and one day we will all be gone, just whispers in the wind, a scratch to know you were there if you're lucky. the buildings will still be standing there 50, 80 years down the road. and most of us will be gone by then. who will remember us? children, grandchildren? who will remember our stories, our friends, our loves? i don't even know much of my grandma's story.

i just need abit of comfort. safe warm haven to hide away. ming who doesn't say much, but shows me so much so much. mel with her persistent faith in me. yipeng who stands there no matter what or when. angie who reads me like a book. they understand my confusion. my continuous torture. of unfulfilled promises, disappointment, secrets, lies and signs. hah.

i love rubbing my star. it seems to ground me. to really remind me of how much there is to everything.